Shrine Maiden Kikyo
by Rei-Ayanami3
Summary: before the series. when Kikyo and Inuyasha meet, and Kikyo's thoughts as protector of the shikon jewel.
1. Default Chapter

Right! This idea struck me in math, and i HAD to write it. Kikyo is my favorite female character of Inuyasha. Even despite that fact she has no soul anymore. I like her with soul or without. This story takes place before the series. It's when Kikyo and Inuyasha meet. and Kikyo's thoughts as protector of the shikon jewel.  
  
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I clearly remember the flash of light when the shikon jewel first appeared. It fell into my outstretched hands, and the holy voice declared to all, that I was it's divine protectress. The idea of power ran both man and demon crazy, and they attacked. But with my new-found responsibility, there came more magic ability and skill. I managed to beat the greedy, and barely control my sanity.  
  
The shikon jewel needed an emotionless guardian, something i had to learn to be. Because of that, I had to hide beneath my powers and pretend to be merciless. I though i was ready for anything and any one, but then Inuyasha came.  
  
*memories*  
  
"Who's there?" By now i am used to being stalked and ambushed by the maniacs hunting the jewel down. It almost seems natural.  
  
"Show your self!" I prepare my bow and arrow quickly, ready to shoot. An average demon appears. Long claws, narrow eyes, and scaly body. I used to ask what they wanted, but they all want the same thing. Sometimes i wonder, if no one can have the shikon jewel, then what is its purpose?  
  
I sigh. this is no time to be thinking. In fact, I'm not supposed to think these thoughts at all. My magic-amplified arrow cuts through the demon's shoulder before he can even lunge at me. Usually one of my arrows finish any creature, man or beast, off. So i turn my back to leave. my terrible mistake.  
  
I see the claws first, and then feel them. A hot, ripping pain across my back. Then I fall on the ground, cursing my own stupidity. This feels so familiar, my blood pooling around my body. And the triamphunt demon standing about demanding the jewel.  
  
Well, no wonder. This is a repeat of my first fight, but i survived back then, and i can survive now. I'll blow him apart. My eyes flicker to the demon as i stagger to my feet. Can i kill him? He hurt me, but do i have the heart?  
  
What heart? whispers the jewel . Right I agree, I'm not supposed to feel for demons.  
  
I reach out a hand containing the purple orb, but before I can do anything, the demon falls to a bloody pile of shreads at my feet. My first reaction is to stare blankly at the boy, no, dog demon with bloody claws standing over him. Then he says the "magic" words.  
  
"Give me the jewel!"  
  
"No way." I loosen my second, third, and fourth arrows, despite my wounds.  
  
As i turn to leave for treatment and cleansing, I see him pinned to a tree. A dumbfounded expression on his face. I can't help it... I smile.  
  
*memories end*  
  
The beginning...That was our first meeting. He followed me everywhere for the jewel after that, and I kept pinning him to trees. I couldn't,and can't, kill him. Because I believe we are the same deep inside. Because, I loved him. Do i love him still?  
  
The end...He could have used the jewel to become human. We could then be together. But then there was the betrayal, or so I thought. Instead, it was some one taking advantage of my confusion and anger. More claws tearing at my skin. And a voice like Inuyasha's telling me he never intended to become a full human being. That's when I broke down.  
  
I tried to kill Inuyasha in the forest, and failed. He attacked my village, and stole the jewel. I hit him straight on with a spelled arrow. Pinned to a tree, like old times, except I had hit him in the chest. But as always, I couldn't kill him. My heart wouldn't stop aching with pain and disbelief.  
  
I could have lived on despite my injuries, but I choose to die. Taking the shikon jewel with me, and leaving Inuyasha behind. But...I stared at his face until the very moment darkness enveloped me.  
  
Now my body is alive, but my soul reincarnated in another girl's body. I wonder how these memories have stayed with me. Maybe because they're mine alone. And how can I think like this? How can I feel these emotions:  
  
I pity the girl with my soul, because she must collect the shikon shards. A terrible duty.  
  
And I envy her because she has Inuyasha as her companion.  
  
Most of all. I wish for death. A place from which i will never be awakened again.  
  
But please, let Inuyasha live.  
  
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aaaaah, i LOVE the Inuyasha song 'Dearest'. In fact...i'm listening to it now!  
  
Anyhow. How was that fic? my fiiiirst loooong one. my first unpoetic one. jolly jolly.  
  
^___^ 


	2. I see myself

the second chapter....definitly the last one for this fic! more Kikyo thoughts. yet again...short. so short.  
  
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"You're there, aren't you Inuyasha? come out."  
  
"Gyaah! You always know where I'm here!"  
  
"There's no need to waste arrows on you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
" I feel that deep down, you and I are the same. We both fight, and wish for our humanity."  
  
"We and NOT the same!!!"  
  
"I guess not...If you say so."  
  
Days go by. I live the hours in guilt and sorrow. Remembering times when life had meaning, when I had something to live for. Now I live off of the souls of others, shuddering each time they work to keep me alive.  
  
I didn't just live for the Shikon jewel, Maybe at first I did. But later I think I lived partially for Inuyasha. Under the dream we could be together...forever. It made me happy in a way nothing else did.  
  
I wouldn't let him get close at first, but I learned to value his silent watching. Sure he tried to get the jewel form me, but we understood each others emotions and beliefs. We never hurt each other.  
  
I wanted to be with him so much. But it it wouldn't work. I tried so hard, but in the end it was a massive maze of confusion. I was lost and so confused. so angry...  
  
People keep using me. They capure my body, and try to make me their slave. In truth, I try to make myself die. But fate is a cruel thing, it never lets me close my eyes. I end up roaming the land, searching for something that can't be found.  
  
As I walk with these thoughts, I come to the top of a hill and look down. Below, I see a familiar figure. Inuyasha....and the other girl. They're both laughing at the little fox demon. Under my watchful eyes, Inuyasha stops. He senses me.  
  
"Wha'ts wrong?" Asks the girl  
  
"Kikyo..." Inuyasha turns and sees me  
  
"Oh!" Gasps the girl. And looks straight into my eyes.  
  
I look back at her for a few seconds, then tilt my head slightly to the side. At last I walk away.  
  
It's still painful to see Inuyasha and my reincarnation together, smiling at each other. But my soul is happy, even if my body isn't.  
  
What surprises me about the girl, is her eyes. If I look deep into them, and sink into their warmth, I can see myself. All curled up, waiting for release from my life in hell.  
  
So it comforts me to know, that even when I'm not fully around, part of me is there for Inuyasha.  
  
-------------- I hope that turned out as well as Chapter one.  
  
^___^ 


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